#15: Framework for a Hard Refresh

For anyone re-starting from scratch – with too many options causing overwhelm.

A few years ago, I had a Hard Refresh — the kind that requires you to reconfigure every part of your life. Rebuild from scratch — brick by brick.

Thankfully, it feels about 83% configured now.

But lately, friends in the middle of their own resets have started reaching out to me as a sounding board.

And I am realising that:

1. A lot of people have the same questions and confusions I did

2. My circumstances weren’t as unique as I thought they were

This is my attempt to document my approach — so I can point the next person to something more coherent than a phone ramble.

My hope is that this serves as a basic ideation framework for anyone in flux, anyone between lives, anyone that feels overwhelmed by too many choices and not enough pull to go in any one direction based on a rationale tied in a neat little bow.

Let’s not meander any more. Let’s get right into it.

What’s a Hard Refresh?

A Hard Refresh (not the keyboard shortcut — the life kind) is something that happens after a big life event.

A major breakup. A redundancy. A health scare. A visa loss.
Or even the end of a long-standing constraint — like finally getting permanent residence.

Most of us are anchored by five things:

1. Work (how you make money)

2. Location (where you live)

3. Significant other (a long-term partner)

4. Community (family, friends, social life)

5. Habits & Hobbies (what keeps you grounded)

When one or two gets yanked or is absent, you adapt.
But what if it’s three, four or all five as a domino effect of sorts? Disorientation central.

The problem in this situation often isn’t a lack of options — it’s having too many.
No anchors anymore.

What should feel like a privilege of choice, feels like debilitating overwhelm.

Who This Is For

This might resonate most with:

• Expats or digital nomads

• People who want "work from anywhere" flexibility

• Those with some financial runway and a desire to explore adjacent career or life paths

• Anyone whose life has been rerouted, by choice or circumstance

All of the above applied to me.

My Circumstances (For Context)

My life pivot was a divorce — mid-pandemic.
Picture the Storm-in-a-Teacup ride at an amusement park. Yep, that.

Some more relevant context:

• I had UK permanent residence, meaning I was no longer tied to a job visa.

• My professional network was mostly in the US.

• My social life had to be rebuilt no matter where I re-started.

• I had no debt, a fair bit of savings, and the option to live with family in India if I chose to.

• I had no dependents or major obligations.

• I felt... free. But also overwhelmed with choice.

The framework that follows came from this exact combination of freedom and overwhelm.

Phase One: Let Yourself Breathe

Before you even think about optimizing your life, pause.

You just went through something big. Even if it might not seem big to others, if it feels big to you, it is.

I initially gave myself a three-month sabbatical. This ended up becoming longer because I eventually decided to quit my full-time job and do a true hard refresh in every part of my life.

I left London, and ended up with a series of one-way tickets. I visited friends I’d lost touch with. I touched the ocean. I wrote poetry. I slept like I hadn’t in years.

Only after that did I start thinking about what came next.

If you have the privilege of time and savings, take it.

Even if you don’t want to or cannot travel, you can reset by meeting new people, exploring new hobbies, or seeing your city through new eyes.

Don’t skip this phase. Let yourself be a little frivolous. Your brain needs the breathing room.

Phase Two: Know Your Runway

Your personal runway = how many months you can comfortably live (by whatever subjective lifestyle you have, or want to keep) without earning.

For me, the same amount of money gives me:
• 1 year in London
• 9 months in New York
• 4.5 years in Bangalore
• 10 years in Chennai

That cost-of-living arbitrage is game-changing!

If you’re splitting time across places, average it out. Your blended runway will guide your decisions.

Eg. During my transition year, I split time across India, the US, and the UK — so my actual runway turned out to be a blended average across those costs.

You should also then decide upfront how much of your runway you're comfortable "investing" in experimentation. Maybe you’ve got three years saved, but only want to use nine months to figure things out. Great. That’s your timeline!

Also (and I cannot stress this enough), call it an “investment”. Not a “spend”.
Drop the guilt.

This phase is work, even if it doesn’t feel like traditional productivity.

This is your experimentation budget – not just in money, but also in time.

Phase Three: Choose an Anchor (aka Impose a Constraint)

You need to impose a constraint. Pick either your location or your work first.

Constraint is your friend.
Constraint is a catalyst.
Constraint helps you get to an outcome quicker.

For me, I knew I wanted to explore multiple work paths.

Also for what it’s worth, I think choosing where you live in your younger years (20s and 30s) can have the single biggest impact on your life.
I find this essay by Paul Graham particularly insightful and I often go back to it.

So anyway, I picked a location: London.

I rebuilt community, explored habits, and experimented with work from there.

For someone else it might be the opposite: they may have a clearer idea of work, and be open to bouncing between locations. Either is fine. But you need one fixed point to build around.

How I Chose My Location (Framework Inside!)

I am a nerd, so I made a spreadsheet.

I listed ten criteria that mattered to me — such as social life, ease of integration, dating scene, proximity to friends & family, work permit, work prospects, cost of living, access to entertainment I care about — weighted them, and scored cities. After some recalibration (read: cheating), London came out on top.

You can steal my location choice calculator right here and try it for yourself.

Key tips:

• Be honest about what actually matters to you (not what should matter).

• Don’t let one high score override a low one unless it truly matters more to you.

• Tweak the themes to suit your life. Already in a long-term relationship? Swap out “dating” for “public transport” if that’s what matters to you (because maybe you can’t drive).

Phase Four: Work Experimentation (aka The Fun Bit)

Once you’ve anchored your location, you can start experimenting with work.

Everyone’s path will look different. The goal for this phase isn’t the "perfect job." It’s to increase your surface area for luck, and constantly reassess and experiment until it leads you to clarity.

For me:

• I consulted early-stage startups – fun founders, but inconsistent work.

• I did freelance selling for a few scale-ups – great money, but it didn’t scratch my entrepreneurial itch.

• Freelance market research for a big corporate – well-paid, but soul-sucking levels of bureaucracy.

• I joined a venture builder – made a lot of friends, but learned that building a supply chain startup isn’t my thing & neither do I need venture capital to build a profitable business.

• I generally spent a lot of time around curious, motivated people that has led me to what I now do.

Now: I run my own business in London – serving the media & conference industry, and I also do media sales for a tech newsletter that I am obsessed with.

Here are some questions that helped me and led me to it eventually:

1. What kind of work am I best suited to do and I most enjoy? When do I feel like I'm in my zone of genius?

2. Am I interested in full-time, freelance, fractional, or entrepreneurship?

3. Remote or in-person? Hybrid?

4. What timezone do I want to work in?

5. What kind of impact matters to me?

6. Who do I want to spend my days around? Both in terms of coworkers and clients.

7. What is my income goal? Why? In what consistency? In service of what?

8. What kind of lifestyle do I want, and how can I find work that integrates with that?

In Closing

Forget the five-year plan. You just need multiple messy, meaningful four-week experiments.

Pick a city.
Pick a project.
Maximise surface area.
Repeat until something sticks.

In my experience, that’s how you build a life post-refresh.

One cheeky hypothesis at a time, until things start magically clicking in place.